At the door of an anniversary, just like at the end of the year, one tends to review what we did during this past time. This was a challenging year for us: emotionally, spiritually and financially. We survived. We’re still here and in love. We grew as individuals and as a couple.
I think for me, is learning to move forward. We have to learn to not repeat the same mistake.
We had a conversation this morning on how our relationship has been transformed. Yes, there have been a lot of positive improvements, but we’ve lost some of the humph.
Our commitment this weekend is to review and remember the good things that have happened this last year and definitely go back to the core values and back to the basics of romance. Re-light that passionate candle that it’s in us, which are not dead; it just has been swamped by the daily routine and the growing process.
I see why people renew their vows. It’s the way to renew the commitment for lifetime to fight the good fight with your life partner.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
More Adjustments
Well, the weekend is over. We survived our first budgeted weekend and we're left with $7...not bad. I was able to even put some money towards some past due bills, not clear them, but at least put something.I think somewhat this has helped our relationship. It also has helped with my emotions. I think I had given up on life for a moment and had retreated to just letting the hours go by. It has helped me value does little things that my husband does for me and I take for granted. I have been able to stop and smell the roses.
As for entertainment, he spent most of the weekend playing Wii. He read some of his book, but got bored and told me I could return it today with the ones I was returning. I read two books this weekend, listen to an audio book and wrote most of my Christmas cards. I also did five loads of laundry, but that's the never-ending task. I feel like I'm not doing enough and am being lazy. But I caught myself in that line of thinking this morning and decided to stop. If I'm honest with myself, I've been doing too much, having my hands in way too much to the point of burnout and that's when it hit the fan.I think in my road to recovery, which is starting slow, things are going to work out. I see us discovering each other. I'm finally getting some energy from resting and reading and eating better. Overall, I feel better.
Society draws us to the addiction of the commodities that then become necessities, but they're really unnecessary. I disconnected the Internet on my cell phone, readjusted our plan to fewer minutes and cancelled our subscription to our mailed movies. I estimate that it will be a savings of about $50 a month. It might not sound much, but it really is. I called them addictions, because I did not believe something as trivial as the Internet on my phone was going to cause withdrawals on me. Even though I still have it until the end of the month, in my mind it’s already gone. I caught myself thinking about how sucky it was, when I was in the living room not able to access my email or Facebook page. Now, who am I that need access to the Internet in my living room, when all I have to do is get off my lazy behind and go to our computer in our bedroom? I'm not the big CEO of a company whose shares are going to crash if I don't answer an email. I don't even check Facebook that much. It was just the fact that I could have it and now I didn't. I had only included the internet a year ago, when I got my first PDA and joined Facebook after the harassing emails from friends. Why was this so important today? My theory is that technological advances have made us into bratty teenagers that want everything that is new. Unfortunately instead of making our lives easier, it's making it harder. Why? It has limited our thinking and troubleshooting skills. It has caused people to isolated to their "online" relationships, instead on working on their "at home" relationships, including our relationship with God and the one with ourselves. I am guilty as charge.
Again, I'm not a purist. I don't think computers; cell phone and the Internet are the devil. I do think that every now and again, we need to pull the plug and smell the roses. Life is just once and we're wasting so much of it on what's not real or necessary.
As for entertainment, he spent most of the weekend playing Wii. He read some of his book, but got bored and told me I could return it today with the ones I was returning. I read two books this weekend, listen to an audio book and wrote most of my Christmas cards. I also did five loads of laundry, but that's the never-ending task. I feel like I'm not doing enough and am being lazy. But I caught myself in that line of thinking this morning and decided to stop. If I'm honest with myself, I've been doing too much, having my hands in way too much to the point of burnout and that's when it hit the fan.I think in my road to recovery, which is starting slow, things are going to work out. I see us discovering each other. I'm finally getting some energy from resting and reading and eating better. Overall, I feel better.
Society draws us to the addiction of the commodities that then become necessities, but they're really unnecessary. I disconnected the Internet on my cell phone, readjusted our plan to fewer minutes and cancelled our subscription to our mailed movies. I estimate that it will be a savings of about $50 a month. It might not sound much, but it really is. I called them addictions, because I did not believe something as trivial as the Internet on my phone was going to cause withdrawals on me. Even though I still have it until the end of the month, in my mind it’s already gone. I caught myself thinking about how sucky it was, when I was in the living room not able to access my email or Facebook page. Now, who am I that need access to the Internet in my living room, when all I have to do is get off my lazy behind and go to our computer in our bedroom? I'm not the big CEO of a company whose shares are going to crash if I don't answer an email. I don't even check Facebook that much. It was just the fact that I could have it and now I didn't. I had only included the internet a year ago, when I got my first PDA and joined Facebook after the harassing emails from friends. Why was this so important today? My theory is that technological advances have made us into bratty teenagers that want everything that is new. Unfortunately instead of making our lives easier, it's making it harder. Why? It has limited our thinking and troubleshooting skills. It has caused people to isolated to their "online" relationships, instead on working on their "at home" relationships, including our relationship with God and the one with ourselves. I am guilty as charge.
Again, I'm not a purist. I don't think computers; cell phone and the Internet are the devil. I do think that every now and again, we need to pull the plug and smell the roses. Life is just once and we're wasting so much of it on what's not real or necessary.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Weekend Challenge
I think I started this idea on my own. Being married makes it difficult to fulfill total lifetime changes if your journey partner is not part of the game. I tend to forget that for several reasons. First, I’m a very independent woman, second, I’m recently married, and so this sharing decision-making is still a work in progress. Thank God I have a great understanding husband that usually think that my ideas should be presented at NASA.
So I finally had a long conversation with the man about my idea of back to basics. I know in theory he agreed and was fascinated with the idea, but in the day-to-day practicality, I think we’re going to have some challenges. If he had the resources, he would buy the latest gadget that comes out on the market every week, just because it is the latest gadget.
This is one of those low money weeks, like many that we have. This weekend I wanted to approach it with a different attitude. When hubby saw his paycheck he was very disappointed. We decided to deposit the majority of it, but keep $42 for the weekend. He said, that’s for today, right”… I said."No, for the weekend” He looked puzzled. I explained that this plan was developed into several parts.
Part 1 Detox- this is the part where we see where the immediate cuts can be made and what are those unnecessary expenses we currently have. Of course, everyone wants to have fun, but we’ve been having fun beyond our means that’s why we can’t afford to pay our bills and our credit cards are suffocating us. From now on we have a budget. I don’t know how long this phase is, but I think that if we can do it for 2 months, we’ll be good to go.
Part 2 Learning how to budget- I’m pretty good with numbers although I’m not particularly interested in them. I guess all those statistics and math classes are going to come in handy. I think that once we get over the current hump, at least be caught up with the bills that are behind, and then I can make a realistic budget and live within it.
Part 3 Debt Free- That’s our greatest goal. We estimate that once we enter into a tight budget and we put any extras into the debt and not the “fun”, we should be out of this hole in two-three years.
Part 4 New Place- Once debts free, we know we need a bigger house; we just can’t afford one with our current finances. It is our hope that if we have cancel our debt, we’ll also be able to build some savings for those things that we’ve been wanting. It’s my hope that our hard training from living with the essentials doesn’t go away. I don’t want to be debt free so that I can afford to harbor things again. I do want a bigger place, where I can have a place for my four legged child or children by then to have a place to play and share with their friends. I want more space so that I can offer my house as a center or collection for assistance to others and a place where others in needs can find refuge. I do some of that now, but we would all be more comfortable with an additional room and some backyard.
Part 5 my greatest dream- to give back- and I have to say it’s our dream, not mine alone. I’ve heard my husband on plenty occasions say how he wishes to help others. He does what he can with what he has, but if we could do more, we would love to. To live the rest of our lives enjoying making others smile and that when there’s a need we can supply, having a provision to do so. It would be so amazing.
Back to the weekend challenge. To make matters worse, it started on my mother’s birthday. I told my husband that I would exclude gas from the budget as I was running real low and I had already separated different money for it. As I’m typing this we have 1.1 day to go. Part of the challenge was not only to stay within the $42 budgeted, but to have fun in the process.
As soon as the challenge was on, the first obstacle came to place. We were going to take my mother to lunch. She decided on her own that she wanted to eat at a sandwich place. Whew, I thought. How did we make it healthy and budget friendly? Hubby of course asked for a foot long sandwich, but no sides. My mom and I asked for combos, the combos bring a side and a drink, but the drinks are unlimited. We shared the drinks, all diet sodas (not healthy but better than regular), my mom and I chose apple slices for a side and we share them, we let hubby chose the other side and gave it to him. In all we spent $15 and everyone was well fed.
We spent the rest of the day with my mom, which was in essence what she wanted as a present. My brother had sent money and she wanted to go shopping with it. I bought her a sweater that was previously budgeted for, so that was separate and help her spend the rest of her gift. I cooked a home meal for diner, which was also what she wanted as she doesn’t like too much the food from the senior place she lives.
Later that night we had a sweet craving, we wanted dessert. To save you from a long story we spent the night looking for a sugar free apple pie that we never found. We used some of our money to buy our puppy her food, and a few groceries, about $12 total. Our search was more fun than craving as we were still bouncing stores at 3am, without spending anything but steps (hey, that’s counts as exercise!)
Today we went to the dog park. It was freezing, and we hadn’t had breakfast. This is a bad habit that needs to be worked on. We stopped at the gas station and got coffee and a hot dog. Not the best meal, but better than burgers and fries, just a plain ole hot dog with a bit of mustard.
We went to the park and stayed there for two hours. Came home and I cooked us dinner. We were still looking for that apple pie. We went back to other three supermarkets and Eureka! $5.99 and we have a whole pie, plus the husband decided to be bad and buy glazed donuts. It is Saturday night and we still have more than $7. To me, that is very impressive, considering that usually by now we would have spent $200 on a typical weekend. Yes, the $12 in desserts was totally unnecessary in our financial and physical plan…but it served as more than 12 hrs of entertainment, laughs and giggles.
I’m headed to play bowling and tennis with him. Not a dime more to spend, it’s in the Nintendo Wii. The dog is exhausted from all the excitement and it’s snoring in my bed. Let’s see what tomorrow will bring.
So I finally had a long conversation with the man about my idea of back to basics. I know in theory he agreed and was fascinated with the idea, but in the day-to-day practicality, I think we’re going to have some challenges. If he had the resources, he would buy the latest gadget that comes out on the market every week, just because it is the latest gadget.
This is one of those low money weeks, like many that we have. This weekend I wanted to approach it with a different attitude. When hubby saw his paycheck he was very disappointed. We decided to deposit the majority of it, but keep $42 for the weekend. He said, that’s for today, right”… I said."No, for the weekend” He looked puzzled. I explained that this plan was developed into several parts.
Part 1 Detox- this is the part where we see where the immediate cuts can be made and what are those unnecessary expenses we currently have. Of course, everyone wants to have fun, but we’ve been having fun beyond our means that’s why we can’t afford to pay our bills and our credit cards are suffocating us. From now on we have a budget. I don’t know how long this phase is, but I think that if we can do it for 2 months, we’ll be good to go.
Part 2 Learning how to budget- I’m pretty good with numbers although I’m not particularly interested in them. I guess all those statistics and math classes are going to come in handy. I think that once we get over the current hump, at least be caught up with the bills that are behind, and then I can make a realistic budget and live within it.
Part 3 Debt Free- That’s our greatest goal. We estimate that once we enter into a tight budget and we put any extras into the debt and not the “fun”, we should be out of this hole in two-three years.
Part 4 New Place- Once debts free, we know we need a bigger house; we just can’t afford one with our current finances. It is our hope that if we have cancel our debt, we’ll also be able to build some savings for those things that we’ve been wanting. It’s my hope that our hard training from living with the essentials doesn’t go away. I don’t want to be debt free so that I can afford to harbor things again. I do want a bigger place, where I can have a place for my four legged child or children by then to have a place to play and share with their friends. I want more space so that I can offer my house as a center or collection for assistance to others and a place where others in needs can find refuge. I do some of that now, but we would all be more comfortable with an additional room and some backyard.
Part 5 my greatest dream- to give back- and I have to say it’s our dream, not mine alone. I’ve heard my husband on plenty occasions say how he wishes to help others. He does what he can with what he has, but if we could do more, we would love to. To live the rest of our lives enjoying making others smile and that when there’s a need we can supply, having a provision to do so. It would be so amazing.
Back to the weekend challenge. To make matters worse, it started on my mother’s birthday. I told my husband that I would exclude gas from the budget as I was running real low and I had already separated different money for it. As I’m typing this we have 1.1 day to go. Part of the challenge was not only to stay within the $42 budgeted, but to have fun in the process.
As soon as the challenge was on, the first obstacle came to place. We were going to take my mother to lunch. She decided on her own that she wanted to eat at a sandwich place. Whew, I thought. How did we make it healthy and budget friendly? Hubby of course asked for a foot long sandwich, but no sides. My mom and I asked for combos, the combos bring a side and a drink, but the drinks are unlimited. We shared the drinks, all diet sodas (not healthy but better than regular), my mom and I chose apple slices for a side and we share them, we let hubby chose the other side and gave it to him. In all we spent $15 and everyone was well fed.
We spent the rest of the day with my mom, which was in essence what she wanted as a present. My brother had sent money and she wanted to go shopping with it. I bought her a sweater that was previously budgeted for, so that was separate and help her spend the rest of her gift. I cooked a home meal for diner, which was also what she wanted as she doesn’t like too much the food from the senior place she lives.
Later that night we had a sweet craving, we wanted dessert. To save you from a long story we spent the night looking for a sugar free apple pie that we never found. We used some of our money to buy our puppy her food, and a few groceries, about $12 total. Our search was more fun than craving as we were still bouncing stores at 3am, without spending anything but steps (hey, that’s counts as exercise!)
Today we went to the dog park. It was freezing, and we hadn’t had breakfast. This is a bad habit that needs to be worked on. We stopped at the gas station and got coffee and a hot dog. Not the best meal, but better than burgers and fries, just a plain ole hot dog with a bit of mustard.
We went to the park and stayed there for two hours. Came home and I cooked us dinner. We were still looking for that apple pie. We went back to other three supermarkets and Eureka! $5.99 and we have a whole pie, plus the husband decided to be bad and buy glazed donuts. It is Saturday night and we still have more than $7. To me, that is very impressive, considering that usually by now we would have spent $200 on a typical weekend. Yes, the $12 in desserts was totally unnecessary in our financial and physical plan…but it served as more than 12 hrs of entertainment, laughs and giggles.
I’m headed to play bowling and tennis with him. Not a dime more to spend, it’s in the Nintendo Wii. The dog is exhausted from all the excitement and it’s snoring in my bed. Let’s see what tomorrow will bring.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Day 1
I have been looking for a forum where I can share my journey. I have other blogs, for what goes on with my dog and my business, but what about me? Saying that out loud sound selfish. I guess more than that I think the fact that I want to share it makes it somewhat better.
These are the things I want to talk about:
These are the things I want to talk about:
- I want to share the joys and challenges of my marriage, which is about to start its second year. A lot of people decided that they wanted to blog their first year of marriage. That's fine, I want and hope that I will be able to blog years to come. Some of its challenges can be brought up as well. We have special circumstances that I'm sure can help other go through theirs as well
- I want to share my journey to a better me. I've always taken care of others until now I'm empty. I can't take care of anyone if I'm not here.
- My exercise journey. This is a must do, that I'm too lazy to do
- My health and my journey to recovery
- Reactivation of my brain. For the last couple of years I have drifted in a place of boredom. I stopped being who I am and I'm working slowly coming out. I'm redefining what I want. I don't want fame, beauty or glory. I want my brain to still think intelligibly, learn new and exciting things.
- My expressions. I've been a writer since I was 14 yrs old. I've written poetry, even won awards for some of my pieces. Seven novels written and destroyed. Since 2002 all I've written are vents and bill checks. I'm hoping my muse will come back and maybe I can be able to write again.
- Most important my journey back to basics. I think at the doors of 2009 and 3.5 yrs before I turn 40 has given me the chance to reflect on what's really important. Many people collapse without Internet access, their cell phones, their MC Nuggets, vacation on Hawaii...whatever. Is that true happiness? Not to me. Don't get me wrong, I don't plan to walk to work (10 miles in a very congested highway) and never watch TV and churn my own butter...nope! But I'm talking about what really matters.
We're living in a world with financial crisis, people going in bankruptcy, losing their homes, their jobs with nothing to fall back on. I have the theory that if we lived simpler lives, for the most of us, our salaries would be more than enough to support us and help a neighbor. We have engaged in this rampage of having more and more...of what? Aren't your closets full of things you don't even look at? We live in the world of the unnecessary and the satisfaction of what I crave NOW! and then what? just pay the consequences.
I think as a society we have stopped thinking and we're just automatically doing what feels good and not what makes sense.
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